This void is just a drop in the bucket. not making sense is my least favorite kind of nonsense. And the least fun. I seem to have lost my fulfillment expansion, pack, but sadly there are no refunds. I'm sure there's some sort of pithy wisdom about plot twists and life paths, but my globe is set to spin and my map is smeared with sweat from too many consultations. You can go with your gut, but intuition never packs light and you might get voted off the island.
Thursday, July 16, 2015
I'm no gruff the crime dog, so I got tired of sniffing out the mystery, of why we can't get no satisfaction. Or unwilling to draw first blood, to cut out the poison. So I shot the messenger myself. I bit the bullet, and got stuck with a belly full of lead. you can't cure heart burn. none of the antidotes make sense. Solving for "Ex" is like tandem biking for one. and for all the sense algebra is supposed to make, i'm more solution than sum. When you're solving for inequalities, you can only substitute so many variables. We were bad math. an unsolvable equation. The variables varied until you got punched in the gut, with the null. more for the math minded, I suppose, but I've always been too pretty to do math.
Thursday, October 25, 2012
This is my ode to sex in the city and everything Carrie Bradshaw, minus the revolving door of men, hats and designer clothes. What that really means is that most of the time I'm out living life and then when it gets a little confusing I try to figure out my thoughts for strangers to read. I've been doing a lot of ponder, as per usual, regarding the places in life that are broken, confusing and really I suppose just out of my control. I've decided that dating is not a game you play if you live your life by the Golden Rule. It seems anytime I treat people the way I would like to be treated I end up still single. Not that, that is always bad, I've dodged a hell of a lot of bullets. And I'm super thankful. Which leads me to my second point.. I don't think I'm savy enough to play the dating game/ be a serial dater. Well I'd give the second one the old college try, but damn the rest is too exhausting and complicated. So I don't know. And I mean that very literally. I'm lost. I'm anxious. I should be sleeping. This is one of those things that goes unresolved. I have no desire to control human behavior, but I suppose I desperately try to make sense of it. People act within a patter of behavior, and when I don't know that pattern, life just throws me for a loop. So I'm still writing, still figuring out and still not sure what's next or how to fix the broken places. I'm tired of the song and dance. I was hoping for a life filled with passion. I'm not sure if every misstep is forward or back. Am I just weeding out the unlikely's or getting further from the mark? I'm trying to make sure I don't whine. I'm probably having an epic fail. I think mainly this is the blog that never ends because the finality really puts it all out there.
Sunday, September 23, 2012
I want a shiny new tattoo, to increase the value of my real estate. There's no limit to curb appeal. Sex sells, as long as you don't think about it too much. Bedroom eyes and retail therapy often end in buyers remorse. If you think about it, and you shouldn't; there's no sense using logic when it comes to romance. Go with your gut and the force will be with you, until the particles split, then it's gone baby gone. You'll see stars when your bubble bursts. It's never a fair fight when I didn't know we were playing. Life is just a game, sectioned out like a cafeteria tray, except you can't go back for seconds, but the lunch lady is always grouchy. At least you won't lack for consistency.
I got lost in coincidence, that appeared to be fate. Or whatever other devices people use to explain a thing that happened with no reason, but just seemed right. I didn't intend to be deceived. I'm not sure that was the intention, though it certainly seemed to be the end result. I'm not a good gun dog. I run when I'm spooked. And that could leave you trampled. Or Shot. Even if by accident. It's harder to count the casualties when you are one. I'm not sure that death by vernacular seduction is as painful as it is poignant. There's no warning shot. Just a split second where you realized you read your fortune cookie wrong.
The old stand by rant is ever ready to be written, partially on principle and partially because I don't know how the hell else to protest a personal injustice. It's like going hunting. (I think, I've never been hunting,yet I digress.) You don't know what's in there until you flush it out. Once it's out you can decide. I think life is a lot like that;, but way more I need to write a blog on editing my emotions, so that they're less damning in the event that they're read. I don't need people to read this, I just have to write it. No matter how embarrassing it is, when I write it down it gets better. I exercise the demons. I know some men with really great emotional intelligence, but still I wonder if I would get the same satisfaction if I just went hunting. I've written like 400 drafts in the last 2 days. Some of them start great, some of them say exactly what I want, but none of them seem to exercise the demons. I have written, and written, but I haven't felt spent. It's as if I've had 400 epiphanys. Sometimes I write because I love words. I love to put words on a page, I love how you can manipulate word. I love song lyrics. I love the emotions that you can illicit. Words can be super sexy. If you manipulate them. I have this dilema, where I believe people. I'm not sure if it's because I want the words to be true, or because my intuition is giving the go ahead. Then I start to wonder about the intergrity of words. It's mildly disabling to live in a world where you have to expect people to lie. Maybe it's just a matter of finding that happy medium between expecting people to lie and just not saying anything, unless your certain. Maybe there isn't even a middle ground there. Maybe people just good spooked. Maybe they're just bad gun dogs. If there's one thing I do more than any other thing it's ponder. It's damn near scientific. I haven't cured cancer yet, but frankly I haven't even given it a whirl. I think most often I ponder actions and reactions. How many shape the world around me, and what I can do do make that happen differently. Then I ponder how much face I can save by not writing crap down in a blog that 4 people read. Back to pondering. Or as it should read, back to cutting my own throat. That's more succinct.
Saturday, September 22, 2012
If there's one thing I do more than any other thing it's ponder. It's damn near scientific. I haven't cured cancer yet, but frankly I haven't even given it a whirl. I think most often I ponder actions and reactions. How many shape the world around me, and what I can do do make that happen differently. Then I ponder how much face I can save by not writing crap down in a blog that 4 people read. Back to pondering. Or as it should read, back to cutting my own throat. That's more succinct. I'm an individual that is often lead by intuition. For better or for worse.. it's a slippery slope. Sometimes I get so caught up in a moment and my guts are doing a happy dance, but my brain may be pushing the abort button. This generally results in FUBAR. Frankly, most roads often lead to FUBAR. I know a little bit about a lot of things, but I also know a lot of nothing. I don't know anything about men, well at least nothing I'd want to admit to.