Words are inadequate.

There are no words to describe where my heart is right now. Well I suppose that's not entirely correct since I'm writing words right now. Let's just say there aren't words to succinctly describe where my heart is. I think mainly sad for all involved. Sad for any hurt that I've caused and for all the hurts I can't stop. Sad when a relationship is broken and people are hurt. Sadder that it has been broken for a really long time and I just never bothered to fix it, because I didn't want to end up on the receiving end of what seems to be some sort of steroid rage situation. That seems like a really harsh punishment, simply for someone having a difference of opinion. I'm sad that you've been sad and angry for a really long time, since I don't suppose your actions are that of a happy person. But I think really my heart is split. It's not broken, it's all in tact and in good working order, but it's really confused. I think the way that you’re doing what you’re doing is wrong. And I don’t support the choices that you’re making right now or the chaos you're creating. I won't be buying you a present to feel better about you and make me like you again. I'm trying really really hard to love you. I know you don't think of it that way and I haven't necessarily executed it correctly. I understand that you don't likely care about any of what I'm writing or how I feel. Trust me I know. You've made it perfectly clear.