Of this and that and compromise.............

I've got so many things to write, but I'm not sure what to put down to make me feel better. Life is goodish. I'm just kind of tired of the almosts and missed opportunities, the second guessing etc.. etc.... You know how you always want to know why things work they way they do? Well enter into now and this time of my life. How can I be so happy and yet so discontent? It's pretty clear this ain't heaven, so I guess that's it. If you want a conflict free existence obviously earth and all these messy people aren't going to be involved, because as we know it people are complicated. My wants, desires, needs and misgivings also complicated. I'm tired. I love this, I want something different. I'm kind of tired of doing the orphan thing. I think I'm just confused, how I can be not unhappy, but still long for something more, something that is mine. Am I just that selfish? Let's not rule that one out right away. There's not a fix, not an answer, just me, needing a little hope. As per always. Till steal a line from Alexis, Le Sigh.