i left my heart in san fransisco

I feel stifled. I hate it here, but it holds my heart. this is where i learned to love, but then i became alive. It's bitter sweet, longing for the love, yet loving where i'm living, it's so unfair. you're too far away, my heart beats and grows and bursts when i see you. but it's stifiling and aimless. no direction, we all float on. And when i leave i can't breath for the way my heart is pounding in my throat and clogging my airways. but for the very life of me I can't go back. i was dying inside now i am alive. and I don't know how to do it another way! you're the dust on my feet and it chokes me. and it's on purpose, the distanced the miles, the space. I need it like I need to see you, like the way that you being here makes me alive and makes me want to live. and I miss you. and i'm annoyed that i'm so adored, that I don't want to leave, and could never really stay.

Come on people now, smile on your brother, everybody get together, try to love one another right now.

Life is about loving people and free coffee from gas stations.
People love free stuff, but we don't like things that are worthless. It should cost something, but it doesn't is drastically different than it isn't worth anything. There is no free lunch. Everything has a price. You can choose whatever you want.


Vices are just like gremlins.
Even with good intentions
they turn into something willful and destructive.
Just because life's a bitch,
doesn't mean we have to stop living it.
Accept where you are at or die trying.
There are lots of ways to die,
And there are lots of kinds of death.

What will I do once I find the meaning of life?
Do I get a prize?
Is there something tangible?
The joy of achieving?
Even if I found it 10 other people would think they could do it better.
Let em try.

The Sky is falling.

Another day, another dollar, another death threat.
I’m exhausted from pondering, love, God and a good sex life.
Why my day goes to shit when I have a bad hair day.
Am I really that vain? Yep. Really I am.
Sorry world peace, my hair is more important.
World peace is such a bitch. I hate it when my shit isn’t as
Important as the local headlines.
Is it so wrong to want to bring peace to my world?
Doesn’t it all start with me?
An army of 1.
I wage war against myself
And there is no body to maintain the peace keeping efforts.
We’re a land of beatniks, free love and self actuliaztion.
That’s what got us into this trouble to begin with.
Love the one your with, until you realize they don’t love you back.
I didn’t see that one coming. Again.
I hate it when attraction outweighs good intentions
It would be nice if synergy was real.
And everyone would work together for one cause.
Like keeping me from dating another musician?
But no. My angst takes back burner to
Dirty water, AIDS and assholes.
Sorry broken hearts and hurting people of the world
Didn’t you realize I was busy over analyzing life?

I'm somewhere where I don't know where I am

i hate running. trying to figure out life, love, and sex.. i'm l0st and i don't know what to do about it. i want things different don't know how to do that.  to fake it. do i have to get it right first? i don't believe that. i don't think that's the character of God. he doesn't make me jump through hoops that's not him.  i feel so alive when i'm worshiping . i love you and i can see how you work and you love but then when i'm here and now and  miserable and doesn't make sense. it's like sometimes i see it in my life. you're not a tease but the very thing you want me to trust you for is the thing that gives me the most doubts. it pisses me off. i don't know how to deal with this. i know it's mot always sunny but i'm so tired of dealing with this i feel like i've given it up like 390 times and it still plagues me. it works for other people. why?  why can't this work for me, i don't get it? can't i be miserable with everyone else? tell me i don't know what i believe and i don't know why i believe it

Everyone has a fishing boat

Everyone in PDX has a fishing boat. and you're not cool unless you do. it's like that scene in Billy Madison where the kid pees his pants.  Peeing your pants is the coolest, you're not cool unless you pee your pants.  Nobody just is.  It's like everyone is sunbathing for skin cancer.  perverts for peace. etc.. etc... I don't think it's bad, but I do think it's interesting.  Working down town I get pan handled roughly 1 million times a day. it hurts my heart, that people are hungry and don't have enough. it's overwhelming. I always wants to do something, but honestly half the time end up feeling like I gave at the office.  Sometimes when I come home from work,  I don't want to be sad or stressed anymore, I already did that today.  It's been weighing me down a little. I have such an emotional response to this yet  not really a clear vision of what my role is in it.  I hear so many people talking about events that they're organizing, things they're doing etc... I love that my friends have a heart for people.  i'm glad they're not all bastard coated bastards with bastard filling. that would be pretty depressing. But what kind of kicks ass about this, is that I realized what my role is. So the next time you're out Hunting for Hepatitis I could be a part of that.

Biology is a bitch

I’m seeping sex. Damn pheromones. Feminine wiles can take a while to catch up to you. Venus Di Milo is my hero, minus the seaweed.  She’s got it going on, since she’s got no arms And is still ok with public nudity. But that makes sense  Because there are lots of kinds of naked. This is the good kind. Where your hips sway to the staccato cadence. From step to strut. Confident and naked.

2007 Ode To Mucus - Apparently I deal with illness by writing it love poems.

In the morning before i look in the mirror
I'm waiting, wondering when you'll appear
But then it's there, the time is right
I can feel your presence before i turn on the light

I sit up in bed my breath grows shallow
Throat constricted I can hardly swallow
My lungs are tight i rasp and wheeze
But then you're there and i can barely breath

Mucus, Mucus every day
You know you take my breath away
Mucus Mucus every night
You know your timing just ain't right

Gag and cough each time I sneeze
I have fever of 100 degrees
You hold my lungs in your iron grip
My body aches from head to hip

Why oh why don't  you  back off?
Why do you have to make me cough?
With each and every  mucus bubble
My hate for you grows double

Mucus, Mucus every day
You know you take my breath away
Mucus Mucus every night
You know your timing just ain't right

I wish you'd put my mind at ease
So I will not be diseased
Now it's time you have to go
Why you stayed I'll never know

You must go and not come back
You make me feel like I'm on crack
Branch out and find somebody new
Cause I'm not the one for you.

No I'm not the one for youMucus, Mucus every day
You know you take my breath away
Mucus Mucus every night
You know your timing just ain't right

No I'm not the one for you